So I have a long history with depression. I have a slightly less long but still long history with Major Depressive Disorder. I met Bipolar Depression less than 2 years ago. The depression aspects I am totally comfortable with. I know what I feel like when I have a depressive episode, I know how to handle an episode, how to move it along away from my brain before it gets worse. Bipolar Depression doesn’t change that. However, I am totally at sea with the other pole: mania.
I am NOT good at it. I am, in fact, terrible at it. I mean I cook okay, I’m great at home improvement and handyman stuff. But to me that’s not adulting. I was painting rooms and fixing toilets that don’t stop running as a tween. I started learning to cook in high school because my mom was sick of making stuff for me.
I learned to balance my checkbook in high school, too. But in high school, I didn’t really have expenses except what I felt like buying, so it was easy and boring and I stopped doing it. Continue reading
Let’s get this out of the way: if you are going, I think that’s awesome. I think it’s very important to demonstrate in a multitude of ways what you want from your government, and protests are a completely valid way to do so (not that you needed me to validate you!) However, I’m choosing to sit this one out.
For Christmas, The Boy got me the Hamilton Mixtape. I uploaded it to my laptop and synced that with my ipod last night. I think I’ve listened to it 6 or 7 times since. I am ready to express more nuanced (but still shortform) opinions than “OMG” and “*SQUEE*” behind the cut.
Things have not been going well for me. this is gonna be long.
work is good (I am gonna, at some point, get $2/hr more by switching to a job in another division which is a temporary position but will potentially become permanent if I and the other people hired for it do well and impress said division). things with the boy are good (we finished that whole moving into our new house thing, and now we just have to get everything put away but we’re off to a good start there). cats are healthy and silly and generally good. (my) money and health are not good.
This morning I started crying in a downtown Walgreens. Because of Mango Madness Snapple.
It’s weird how grief leaves you alone, you start to feel like you’re getting used to that emptiness, then it blindsides you out of nowhere.
we close on the house at the beginning of November. we have to be out of our rental at the beginning of December. All weekends of November, minus Thanksgiving and maybe a friend’s birthday, will be painting and moving. and moving and painting. there is an alarmingly large portion of the house that is a terrible orangey apricot color and I need to change that before there is furniture in the house. and also there are a couple rooms I want to change the color just because. but it’s most important to get that terrible apricot out. I was sick for two weeks and got my first colonoscopy because of it and now I’m passing a kidney stone that is worse than the ones of the past decade but not as bad as the first few I passed, in high school and college, but it is making me very slow and deliberate and also craving potatoes all the time but that might not be the kidney stone.