Getting serious for a moment.

I try to be as open as possible about who I am to, well, pretty much everyone. So here goes: I suffer from depression and the past year and a half have been really tough for me, to the point where I have been suicidal several times, particularly in the past 6 months. (I have a therapist, don’t worry, and I am on medication.) For the past two years, my nephew (now nephews!) have been my touchstone for “hey self, don’t do anything stupid.” But earlier this year it just wasn’t working. I was floundering. (Hence the therapist.)

I still get these moments. I always will. But I have a new support system. No one at DCRG actually knows this stuff about me yet. And they don’t have to, though I don’t have a problem with them knowing it. Because just knowing they’re around, that I will see them at least once a month from October to May and probably more often, that they accepted me pretty much immediately, helps. And I am kicking myself SO HARD for being too shy and afraid to throw myself into the group more before this season. I volunteered for all but two bouts last season, but I didn’t go to a single social event or after party because I was too chicken. I could have had this support months ago!

I used to think the merch that says “roller derby saved my life/soul” were hyperbole. In some cases, it probably is. But for me, it’s not.

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4 Comments

Filed under derby, heavy shit, personal shit

4 responses to “Getting serious for a moment.

  1. Sabre

    Very happy to hear that you have found a support network that works (and that I am part of). Life can be cruel and relentless, but it can also be beautiful and fun. Whenever you’re feeling down, know that we’re all here behind you!

  2. Good to hear you are doing well with the nephews as touchstone. Keep it up girl. You’re wanted on this planet by many people!

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