I try to be as open as possible about who I am to, well, pretty much everyone. So here goes: I suffer from depression and the past year and a half have been really tough for me, to the point where I have been suicidal several times, particularly in the past 6 months. (I have a therapist, don’t worry, and I am on medication.) For the past two years, my nephew (now nephews!) have been my touchstone for “hey self, don’t do anything stupid.” But earlier this year it just wasn’t working. I was floundering. (Hence the therapist.)
I still get these moments. I always will. But I have a new support system. No one at DCRG actually knows this stuff about me yet. And they don’t have to, though I don’t have a problem with them knowing it. Because just knowing they’re around, that I will see them at least once a month from October to May and probably more often, that they accepted me pretty much immediately, helps. And I am kicking myself SO HARD for being too shy and afraid to throw myself into the group more before this season. I volunteered for all but two bouts last season, but I didn’t go to a single social event or after party because I was too chicken. I could have had this support months ago!
I used to think the merch that says “roller derby saved my life/soul” were hyperbole. In some cases, it probably is. But for me, it’s not.