All I wanted was a career in medicine and a fucking pomeranian.

In case you couldn’t tell from the post title, I am frustrated, and when I am frustrated, I swear WAY MORE than sailors. Also, this is gonna be LONG. You have been warned.

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE MOST FRUSTRATING WEEKEND EVER. Forgetting to take my meds two days in a row definitely did not improve things, but really? Really, universe? Things aren’t fucked up enough already, you had to add to it?

Thursday night I could. Not. Sleep. Part of it was that even though I ate the usual 1200 calories (and yes, I checked, that’s the daily allotment that is supposed to convince my body to consume it’s own fat stores) I was STARVING. At 3 am I was so sick of not sleeping and wanting some goddamn cheese like nobody’s business, I finally gave in and made a half quesadilla (only 1 tortilla, folded in half, instead of a tortilla cheese sandwich) and devoured it. And was still starving. So I had some yogurt. I know that as binges go, this is nothing but OH MY GOD I felt like such an uncontrollable freak for having to do that. Also, yoplait’s cherry cheesecake yogurt is gross, you guys. The cherry part is fine, if a bit medicinal tasting, but the cheesecake part is really not. (If I thought any browser actually interpreted the blink tag anymore, I would use that, too, because that is how much emphasis needed. It’s THAT bad.)

I didn’t end up falling asleep until after 4, and I didn’t get up until noon (had a migraine that kept me abed, big surprise there after not sleeping for a million years the day before, plus apparently I can’t exercise after 7pm no matter how long I have to hydrate after without getting an exertion migraine.) However, the day seemed to be going fine once I got up, until I took out the trash and discovered some bullshit going on with my housing situation that I’m not getting into here. Remember, this is the second day in a row I’ve forgotten to take my meds (originally prescribed to prevent migraines, which when I get the normal amount of sleep and hydrate, they do very well, but they have the added bonus of making me NOT CRAZY) so the fact that this probably VERY fixable setback had me straight up bawling for an hour+ should not come as a surprise. I WANTED to be all tough and metaphorically punch the issue in the face, but I was completely and utterly incapable of doing so. Thank God for the New York branch of my Meredith collection (there are too many of you guys to NOT be a collection.) I got ahold of her on the phone and she, being both sensible and used to dealing with crazy, calmed me down a bit in the brief time she had before her class. Then I talked with my friend J over AIM for a half hour and just being able to spill all my frustration out in a giant word-barf and hear (well, read) a few sympathetic words from him helped me calm down the rest of the way (and realize that though it was now almost 5 pm I hadn’t eaten since my middle-of-the-night binge and that maybe some food would help). So I ate, discovered that the act of finely dicing vegetables is INCREDIBLY soothing (sharp knife, satisfying noise, repetitive mindless action)… I did that for like an hour (yes, I might be a little insane, how did you guess?) I also watched some tv and allowed myself the treat (yes this is completely sad and pathetic) of half a liter of soda and watched tv and interneted for the night. Wow that was like the Godzilla of run-on sentences, wasn’t it? Anyway, I thought everything would be totally deal-with-able and went to bed.

I had a less horrible time sleeping last night, though it still took longer than it should have to fall asleep, so I got a later start today than planned, but I went for a 5 mile walk (I’m not gonna check where I am in Middle Earth right now, but I’ll include that in tomorrow’s update), got breakfast (well, lunch), and started on some homework. BIG MISTAKE. The homework itself was completely handleable; getting my computer to let me a) research on the internet and b) document that research in Word, however, was IMPOSSIBLE. There are a ton of increasingly frustrated tweets/FB statuses from this time, which I sent via my phone because my computer was SOOOOOOOOOO SLOOOOOOOOOOW. It got to the point where I burst into tears because I could not type three letters without freezing Word for about 70-90 seconds (“and then the cycle circle[s] around again” ten points to anyone who is not Ed or my brother who can identify that slightly altered song lyric). So I decided to take a break and blog.

I walked 5 miles, though, you guys, and had a delicious lunch, and bitching at you guys has completely calmed me down again, so I’m going to go put some laundry away and paint my nails because dammit, I deserve some pampering, even if it is futile because they will get all messed up about 12 seconds after I finish painting them. Melly out. (I promise, I will never say that again.)

ETA: for those of you confused by the subject line, it’s a quote from the livejournal CAPSFILES community, where we lolcat up screencaps from X-Files episodes. Hey, I never said I wasn’t a nerd.)

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4 Comments

Filed under eowyn challenge, exercise, food, Government Info, MLS, personal shit

4 responses to “All I wanted was a career in medicine and a fucking pomeranian.

  1. Meredith P.

    Yay collection of Merediths! I bet I am the only Deaf one in your collection? Although if I introduced you to one of my Gallaudet classmates, you’d have two! She’s the only other Meredith I know, though.

  2. what? no blink tag?

    also, sorry to hear things are not going superduper. computers can be frustrating.

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