More personal history and Issues with grad school

I logged in to my school account to check and see if my attempts at enrolling actually resulted in enrollment. I’m listed as enrolled, but also as having an Enrollment Services Hold on enrolling, and I don’t know WHAT that’s about. Also, the main page and the financial account page list different amounts that I owe, and the financial aid page shows loan offers that I never applied for, and I have no information about, and I’m all WTF? Where did this come from? What do I do now? So I emailed Enrollment and Financial Aid and asked them what the deal is. Hopefully this is the last hoop I have to jump through before comps.

I think I left off with high school yesterday when writing about my experiences with depression. This next phase could be called the Depression Kicked Off By Boys Phase. I didn’t have another big episode until I was 22, and then again around 26. Both situations were spurred by being dumped, but were really about my unhappiness with my life. (Unemployed, living with my brother, and no real friends nearby for the first one, retail job, living with my parents, and STILL not done with school for the second.) After the second, I started seeing a psychologist through school, and once I was past the worst of the hurt I knew I should keep seeing her, but toward the end of the summer (damn, I just realized, summers suck for me) as schedules shifted, I just stopped. I got my degree, I got into grad school, I got a great full time job and moved out, to an apartment closer to work (and thus, across state lines from where I had been.) I was really happy at first, but being so far from friends and family (those who happen to be in Maryland were still as far from where I moved to as those in Virginia) started wearing on me. Thus began The Year of Awful.

In August I started having sleeping issues-I’d go to bed at 9 or 10pm and then sleep until 3 or 4 the next afternoon. I didn’t feel sad or anything, so I didn’t realize I was depressed. (At this point, none of my psychologists had mentioned depression to me.) I went to the doctor and she asked me if I was feeling depressed and I said “no, I feel fine, I just sleep ALL THE TIME.” School was starting up and in early September the sleeping issues were starting to repair themselves with good sleep hygiene and making new friends through classes, and then something horrible happened. I’d love to tell you about it, but I can’t until September 2013 because of a potential lawsuit. Suffice to say, it destroyed me emotionally. I started seeing a psych student through CUA (who was supervised by a psychologist, she wasn’t just some random student!) I stayed with her until January, when I felt like everything was under control. Before that happened, however, I failed a class and got kicked out of school, and then got readmitted. (Which was an incredibly stressful ordeal, let me tell you.) I also started dating, and making friends in my area. I was involved with derby at bouts, but it wasn’t until the end of the season that I started feeling like I could go out with my derby friends. Things were fine until April, when I lost my job due to budgetary issues at work. I tried (and tried, and tried) to get a job, but it just wasn’t happening. I finally got part time work, but then the boy I was seeing dumped me. (What is it about June?) Since a lot of the socializing I had been doing had been with him, I felt isolated again. I started seeing a psychologist through school again (the supervisor of the student I had been seeing) and I saw him until just before the winter break in December. School rules don’t allow for me to see him anymore, but he’s given me information on some psychologists to see who might fit my budget. I just have to get off my ass and contact them. Being without him since early December, I can see how much I need to keep seeing someone between depression flare ups. I’m much more likely to succumb when I am not talking to someone regularly about all the issues in my life.

And that’s that. Let’s see, something good to share so you come back…. Genre Reviews did another pose-as-book-cover post, this time posing as romance book covers to show the squickiness of women’s positions even when men are also sexualized. This video is hilariously awesome. This is the cutest thing in the world. And a job I applied to a month or two back has referred my resume to the selecting official, so I might get an interview. If the job is offered me, I have to decide what to do, but for now I’m just YAY I AM VALUED



Filed under mental health, Silly

2 responses to “More personal history and Issues with grad school

  1. samatwitch

    Keeping my fingers crossed about your job interview. You’re very brave to talk about your experiences with depression. Yesterday was Bell’s “Let’s Talk” (about depression) day in Canada.

    • thanks, Sams! I used to be very closed about these things but the older I get, the less I care if people know. And it’s not like I won’t happily talk about my poop, so why not talk about more serious things 😉 I had never heard of Let’s Talk Day, that’s pretty cool!

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