The Vaguest Post EVER?

post pre-written Wednesday night

Generally I do not do much in the way of concealing things here; I either talk about stuff or I don’t. But there’s some stuff going on and it is affecting me and I want to talk about it but it requires some tiptoeing around what’s actually happening.

So. Some stuff happened. It stressed me out a lot, and while I put up a good fight against letting it get to me too much while I had my tweeps to distract me, the drive home saw me slipping farther into my mental rabbit hole until I was at the last light before my building, sobbing quietly in the car.

And then things got worse. And then when I calmed down and tried to fix them, they got worse again. Basically, DMing on an entirely different subject with my friend R and IMing with The Boy kept me from totally flipping my shit, but I hate having to lay this stuff on other people (despite the fact that I get mad when I find out people haven’t lain? laid? their shit on me, and the fact that I know they WANT me to lay my shit on them.)

While cleaning I found the list of sliding scale psychs that Jeff, my psychologist from school, gave me when I had to stop seeing him. But based on some of the “it got worse” I am not sure I can even afford that, so that might be out. In some of our sessions we talked about me seeing my PCP and getting some meds that would boost the depression-related efficacy of my cymbalta (which I take for migraine prevention primarily, but since it is an anti-depressant and it does affect my depression levels, it seemed like a decent idea) but I was doing so well for a while I decided I didn’t need it. I don’t know which would be less expensive, especially since I’d have to go to the doc to find out what she’d put me on, and that’s plenty expensive already. I kinda feel like I’m fucked whichever I do, which sucks because I’m fucked if I don’t do either, too.

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4 Comments

Filed under bitching, kinda heavy shit, mental health, personal shit

4 responses to “The Vaguest Post EVER?

  1. I’m sorry Mel. I’m always here to commiserate. Even when it seems like others might find it stupid, I know what it’s like to not even know why you are feeling like you do. Nothing more difficult than trying to explain what you can’t even put into words yourself. {{hugs}}

  2. Oh, honey. I’m so sorry about your crap-ass Wednesday. I’m really glad now that I killed it with hop-toads. If you need anything at all, to talk or vent or whatever, you know where to find me. xoxoxo

    • Thanks Mere. It seems to have kicked off a spell of depression, which is much easier to ignore when you are silly with me on twitter. Today was less than optimal as well, although that is mostly the depression’s fault and not the result of lots of things getting worse. hoping this weekend will help turn things around, derby 101 and 2nd Sherlock Holmes movie at the drafthouse with The Boy.

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