Back to Usual?

Friday, sometime after I posted, I decided I was going to treat myself to a Doctor Pepper and a chocolate bar. Doctor Pepper has a small amount of caffeine (8 oz of Dr. P is equivalent to 8 oz of decaf coffee or a regular size bar of chocolate). Caffeine is normally considered bad for depression because it can increase anxiety, but somehow it made me feel so much better and happier. Friday night was pretty great, Saturday was good too, Sunday was mellow mostly but I was definitely feeling a bit irritable/less tolerant of shenanigans and today I am a bit meh. I am not sure if I should self-prescribe a soda or milkshake or something that I enjoy to boost or if that is ultimately self-defeating. We’ll see, I guess. My B vitamin sort of dissolved before I swallowed it and some of it ended up not in my mouth (I wiped my tongue on my towel because the pill isn’t coated, hence the disintegration, and tastes AWFUL) and it tends to have an effect on my mood also, so maybe that’s why I’m meh. I don’t know. Whatever.

I’m meeting my advisor tonight to discuss my comps exams so I can decide if I will take them in July or October (I want to do July right now, because I want to be done, but it might be better for me to do it in October) and what I need to work on to not fail again. Then I’m gonna skate at Temple Hills and try both the poisons and the heartless wheels there. Assuming my meeting with Dr Z doesn’t take forever, that is.

Having failed comps once, however, I find myself a lot more reluctant to apply to jobs all of a sudden. There have been a few opportunities to apply and I’ve been hesitant to even bother because I can’t say when I will officially have my MLS or even if I will get it (since I felt so confident with my exams this time and they didn’t pass….) I know I just need to get on it, but it’s hard to make myself want to try, especially with the semi-constant barrage of “thanks for applying, go fuck yourself” notes I am receiving in response. I am largely in a place where I would like to get a week of paid time off to clean up the apartment and kind of chill out and just sort of pamper myself a bit by having time to skate and watch TV and sleep in and whatever. But life is like “yeah, no” so I get to just sort of limp along instead.

Interesting fact: Thursday and Friday resulted in highest numbers of site views ever.

On Saturday the All Stars are taking on Suburbia at the Dulles Sportsplex, you should come out and cheer them on!

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1 Comment

Filed under derby, mental health, personal shit, skating

One response to “Back to Usual?

  1. I know I’d want to push for July as well. Hopefully you and your adviser can find your way to a decision you’re both happy with. And hopefully it turns out the best choice is July. 🙂

    The rejection parade sucks ass. I’ve marched in it so many times (and am marching in it right now). It’s felt like every time things are near giving-up worst before a break finally comes. I hope this is the same for you.

    In the meantime, I hope the path ahead lines up a little bit for you so you at least have samething to work towards. Be strong, be stubborn and be awesome. That last part should be easy for you.

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