Sleep is AMAZING.

So I was headachey last night and when I exercise, increasing the blood flow to my brain, my headaches become migraines. So I skipped skating, which drives me NUTS because I haven’t been since May 3rd. Instead of skating (and learning to better my crossovers with Miso Knotty, who was there last night, BAH) I got home, studied for my comps some more (because the essays that failed were both ethical dilemma essays, I am starting by rereading my textbook from the ethics and management class. to be clear, they didn’t fail because I am unethical, but because I didn’t show enough references to the literature and the ethical dilemmas I chose were shallowly examined. I am now 4 chapters in.) and then I slept on the couch from around 8:45 until 11 on the dot. At 11 I got up, used the loo, and went to bed. I got up 1 more time, again to use the bathroom (I’m an old lady with kidney stones, whaddya want from me?!) and then locked the (noisy disruptive) cats out of the bedroom and slept until my alarm went off (in my briefcase on the other side of the door so it’s a good thing I heard it!) 10 hours of sleep is an amazing feeling, you guys. I thought maybe I’d skate tonight since I studied last night, but a few factors are making me think it would be better to study some more. 1, skating on a friday night means most everywhere I can skate is crowded, 2, I still have to do a practice essay for this week (which is what my friday study session is supposed to be focused on) and 3, if I skate first, when it’s light out, my essay is less likely to get written and if I use skating as a reward for writing my essay, it’ll be a crappy essay I rush through and I will have less light for skating. So. Masters degree comes first.

The wheels I ordered last week are backordered, so I will not be trailskating tomorrow morning. My plan instead is to go to the less-awful lot across the street and practice tight circles and crossovers, because it was suggested that it’s harder to fuck up your crossovers in tighter circles than on the bigger ovoid track. After bathing and stuff, I’ll head over to the Armory for tailgating and derby! Tickets are still available! Buy them now and no waiting in a long line beforehand! Go in! Get beer! Watch derby! Go to the afterparty! Get more beer! Dance with us! Watch some hockey with us! Party with us!

So. Skating. With having to retake my comps and uberscheduling my life I have less time. (seriously, this is my calendar, with non work hours scheduled(click to embiggen):

From janx

It looks like that all the way through July, when comps are.
All the hours not scheduled during the week are work, commute, or sleep hours. The weekend allows a bit more flexibility, but still not a lot of spare time, especially since some of the hours not scheduled on weekends are not scheduled in case I need to add extra study time.

Because of this, I know I will not make it into meat camp this year.

That doesn’t mean I won’t try. Not trying, as Eric points out more eloquently, is bad. It’s disappointing yourself. Failing yourself. Failing your supporters. I am not going to do that anymore than he is going to anymore. But I am not at the place with my skating where I have the skills to make it. I accept this. I will get better, because I will work at it. When I want to stop because I am tired, I will keep going. (When I want to stop because it hurts, I’m gonna stop. Because ow, pain. Unless it’s an endurance drill, because, well, that’s sort of the point.) Once comps are over, I will have more time to skate, more time to train, more time to prepare.

And if I manage to squeak in under the wire? That’s awesome. But I’m not counting on it. And that’s okay. It’ll give me another year as head bouncer, which I love doing, and then when I *do* make meat camp the girls I’ve been practicing with in preparation for this year’s tryouts will be able to help me even more.




Filed under derby, Library stuff, skating

2 responses to “Sleep is AMAZING.

  1. Prioritizing things like this is so hard, and it’s so easy to let it make you feel that what you’re doing is giving up or failing, but you aren’t, and I’m super-awesome proud of you for being able to make this decision. The only thing I want more than to come to your first bout is to see you free of academia-as-student and plow into kinda-sorta-academia-as-employee. I want you to be a full-on, ass-kicking archivist. THEN I’ll come and see your first bout. As well.

    • The hardest part of making the schedule was forcing myself to downgrade time with the boy and with my skates. All I want to do all the time I’m not at work is hang out with him or skate with my girls (and Danny, who will be taking the WFTDAs this fall so he can be a ref on skates instead of a non-skating official.) Being a grown up is hard!

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