I know this place has become whine-a-palooza. It’s easier to right complaints than to write about continuing on in the face of boring adversity. I apologize. And I’m going to complain some more. (But hopefully in a more constructive way!)
I had been doing pretty well over the weekend, as well as last week. (Although I did fall on my ass on the stairs out front on Friday night. Better than falling forward!!) I had fun with friends Friday. I rested and relaxed and took care of myself Saturday, got stuff done with Dad’s help, didn’t sulk too much about missing the expo. I visited with friends Sunday. Sunday evening I started hurting more than I had been, and last night I discovered that even with percocet, I couldn’t sleep for the first time since the weekend I first broke my leg. The same twitching issues were back, and the perc wasn’t helping. I was in tears at 2 am, begging my leg to let me sleep. Sleep is when you heal! I NEED SLEEP. Eventually, I did fall asleep. Then I woke up this morning for work incredibly nauseated and in pain, not just from the leg, but from my stomach. (With the increase in perc doses, I had to go back on the stool softeners. Since it was so painful last time, I started out taking two. That was a mistake. BOO.)
So there was all that keeping me from going to work, and the usual pain and itchiness that comes with a broken leg, and difficulties getting a ride to my pre-op tests, and in getting a letter from my doctor to my school to transfer my tuition from the summer to the fall, AND I got two overdue bill notices. So I was feeling so frustrated and piled on today. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN AT ONCE? ARGH ARGH ARGH!
But! My friends made me laugh, and my dad came through for me for the pre-op exams, I got some stuff taken care of (though not as well as I would hope, as best as I can, which is all anyone can ask of me, including myself.) And I got to nap! Zelda napped with me! We are snuggly! I can get more done as the week continues! My boss might have work for me to do from home! I CAN DO THIS.
I admit, I was starting to feel like I was circling the depression drain this morning. I don’t know why I managed to escape the whirlpool, but I think my support system definitely helped, as did playing SuperBetter. Things are frustrating, but I can’t control them. I can only control me, and how I react to them. It’s okay if I get mad, or if I cry, but it’s not okay to let those things control me all the time. I have to retake control.