I am a survivor, and this is my story (PART ONE)

In high school, I was active in the theater department. I am still in contact with one of the teachers from those years. She shared this blog. This is written by one of her students.

to feel the stubborn ounces of my weight

TRIGGER WARNING: No-holds-barred descriptions of sexual violence and strong language to follow (also, discussion of depression, PTSD, alcohol abuse, and anorexia). Please, practice self-care in reading this, as I made sure to do so in writing it. Also, please be mindful of your comments, because this is very delicate subject matter and … pretty much as personal as it gets.


As I roughly explained in my pilot post and will reiterate more clearly here, my goals in publicly sharing my story are as follows:

1) To give a detailed first-hand account of how sexual assault, in its variety of forms, can — and does — occur in the real world.

2) To give fellow survivors a name for what happened to them (understand that we, as a society, are typically not given a comprehensive — nor accurate — definition of what sexual assault actually is, and for this reason…

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Filed under feminist, heavy shit, political, Uncategorized

2 responses to “I am a survivor, and this is my story (PART ONE)

  1. Went from here to read other blog — wound up reading all four parts. Absolutely staggering, and unfortunately, far too familiar. Especially the Wheel of Power and Control. Traced one of my old relationships through *every* *single* *category*. Funny (or not, actually) how we women are so conditioned to accept blame, we just assume we’re the ones with the problems, not the all-holy shiny perfect men. Clearly am over that thinking now — but have to admit it took a partner as selfless and generous as J. to open my eyes that not every move is a manipulation, not every fight has to get so nasty you sink into self-loathing, not every partner will try to make you into something *they* want you to be, rather than helping you be the best version of who you already are. Thanks so much for sharing, Mels.

    • As is pointed out over at Captain Awkward,

      Women are socialized to make men feel good. We’re socialized to “let you down easy.” We’re not socialized to say a clear and direct “no.” We’re socialized to speak in hints and boost egos and let people save face. People who don’t respect the social contract (rapists, predators, assholes, pickup artists) are good at taking advantage of this.

      “No” is something we have to learn.

      This is something that adults need to learn about children, too, so that children can grow up and respect other people, too. If a kid doesn’t want to hug or kiss Aunt Martha, don’t force it! Forcing it teaches the child that some boundaries are inherently more respectable than others.

      This might be another blog post. eeh.

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