Missing Out

So I didn’t update Thursday or Friday of last week. Each time, I mentally composed an apology that went something like this: “I’m working on electronic files right now and I feel more self conscious doing other computer things when that happens because I already feel like I look like I’m not working because there aren’t papers and boxes strewn about on my desk.” This is true. But it’s not really why I didn’t post. (Well, it is for Thursday, actually. I spent my lunch hour browsing pinterest and reading Mark Reads Sandman.) Thursday night, transfer skater Jaminy Kricket mentioned that draft was coming up for DCRG (she’s been skating with the CapOffs but has to wait until the draft to get with a home season team.) On Saturday, the date of tryouts was announced. That, on top of the fact that I am spending all my time either at work or at home is getting me down. I want to do stuff! I miss my meat class! (the other freshies.) We’ll always be friends, of course, but all the skating and activities I am missing out on means that they’re getting closer to one another and I am left out. With try outs and draft coming up, it’s just one more reminder that I’m stuck on the couch. I’ve had to put the DCRG mailing list on digest because it’s depressing to watch them plan skating outings and know I can’t go.

I should probably be marveling that I don’t WANT to be stuck on the couch–I have always been pretty okay with just chillin’, not being active. But instead I’m moping. Without driving, it’s a huge pain in the ass to hang out with people, and I don’t want to burden them by asking for rides or always insisting they come over to my place. But I want to NOT be at home all the time! And see my friends! LET ME WALK AND DRIVE AND SEE MY FRIENDS!

I’m also getting more headaches, I think due to the lack of activity. But that’s bad because my headaches can keep me out of commission for an entire day sometimes. I had to actually restrain myself on Saturday from doing squats with the crutches as supports for my leg. I’ve been daydreaming about starting physical therapy! Because I want to be doing stuff! I feel better physically and mentally when I do stuff! When I use the crutches, I feel like I could probably put all the weight I normally put on my leg on it without hurting myself, but I keep reminding myself to take it slow, wait until the doctor looks at it (next Friday! TWO WEEKS AWAY! HOW CAN I STAND IT?) Yesterday I was laying on my stomach on the bed while The Boy was in the bathroom, and I did a variation on tricep kickbacks because I am SO TIRED OF NOT WORKING OUT. (And also, my upper arms are sorta flabby.) I AM SNEAKING REPS. EXERCISING ON THE SLY. WTF?

Anyway, that’s where my head’s at. Grousing. Also I need to go to the grocery store. I am sick of soup and that’s the only meal thing I have besides sandwich fixins. I’ve eaten grilled cheese for like 85% of my meals lately. I’m capable of cooking meals, now, so I want to, but I don’t have ingredients for meals. I have sandwich fixins and pasta and lots of ingredients that don’t go together without 1 or 2 things (like, say, a meat.) I wanna eat real food. (Though my grilled cheeses are delish. Been making them with provolone. SO MELTY.) Grouse grouse grouse. Bored and stuck and sick of it.


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Filed under AUGH INJURIES, bitching, derby, FROWN, health, mental health, personal shit

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