Focusing on positives actually resulted in positivity; nation shocked.

Okay so yesterday I was all “MUST FOCUS ON GOOD THINGS BECAUSE EVERYTHING EVER SUCKS” and lots of stuff really does suck. My insurance card is essentially useless, because I have to change every single doctor ever in order to get any sort of medical coverage; my meds aren’t covered, and I can’t get them covered. I can’t use pharmaceutical patient assistance programs because I have prescription coverage, even if it doesn’t cover that prescription. (Trust me, I checked–I can use PAPs for other meds, just not for this one.) And the previous shit goes unresolved.

However! My brain is relearning to balance without training wheels. The stupid frustrating little things are not causing me to burst into tears, nor am I raging quite as much when they happen. I’m more able to be excited for the other freshies about try-outs (this Saturday OMG) rather than envious and isolated. I’m not screaming “I HATE YOU” at the cats anymore when they do cat things. Plus? HOW FUCKING CUTE AM I?

Love Gun
Photo by James Calder, 2012. “Love” written on my arm in eyeliner by friend and fellow freshie, C.

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8 Comments

Filed under derbylove, mental health, personal shit, photos, Suicide Prevention Week

8 responses to “Focusing on positives actually resulted in positivity; nation shocked.

  1. sunnyjane

    Well crap – I thought I was the only one who got angry and isolated and envious when new freshies came into the mix. My life has sucked big donkey balls for the past 9 months – so I shouldn’t be expecting to be at a level of benchmarking – but man does that green-eyed monster hit me when people who haven’t been around as long as I have benchmark and get to skate with the vets… *sigh*

    • Actually, I’m envious because I was supposed to be trying out with them, but my leg means I won’t even be on skates for a while, let alone ready to try out, but we just had two skaters on tap resign from the league because they keep going undrafted. It sucks a lot.

  2. Very cute. I won’t comment on the insurance card because I don’t understand your whole system and get frustrated when my American friends can’t get simple coverage when they need it. We are covered for basics and then many of us have extended health benefits either through our employers or privately . In my case, I pay 25% of the monthly premium through payroll for both provincial and extended health care. I pay $100 deductible for extended – per year – and it pays 80% of prescriptions, most medical expenses and normal dental, including root canals. Caps and bridges, etc.,, are 50%. (Okay so that was a comment.) 🙂

    • I can only go to “plan” doctors–Kaiser Permanente runs actual medical centers, so going from PCP to your specialist you just got a referral for is super easy; but if you’ve spent the past 10+ years trying to find a specialist you like who is competent, but who happens to be out of network, you’re fucked. When open enrollment starts in November, I’m switching to another plan that I know my neuro takes. But until then, I have an excellent excuse, as The Boy noted last night, to get the ortho to write me a referral to another (networked) ortho, so there’s that at least.

  3. Holy fuck! How cute are YOU?

  4. Sporks

    Dying of picture cuteness *___*

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