You know that adage “where there’s a will, there’s a way?” Yeah, you need the will to find the way, but will itself? Sorta not enough. You’d think that at the ripe old age of 32 I’d know this by now (since I am not an amazing and renowned visual artist, dramaturge, archivist, and derby star–YET!) but apparently I needed a refresher course.
It’s all well in good to say “Tomorrow will be better,” but then you have to do stuff to make sure tomorrow is better. Which I failed to do yesterday, instead trusting that by wanting it, it would happen. Turns out, not so much.
I was awake until some time after 5:25 (when I turned on the audiobook of The Last Unicorn on my iPod-fell asleep sometime between the Midnight Carnival finding the Unicorn and her waking up caged) and I slept, heavily and apparently anxiously, until almost 3pm. I dreamed a lot, of being asked out by someone I didn’t want to date or offend, of being stranded on a beach in India with a strange man who I had to convince to help me save a humpback whale (a specific one, that is) while being menaced by local wildlife (snakes that appear to have heads on both ends!) and arguing with my parents about whether or not we need two refrigerators in the kitchen when there isn’t any chocolate in the house. So I woke dehydrated, headachy, and reluctant to leave my bed in case the air is cold. This is not how my day was supposed to go! This was not how this week was supposed to go!
The only day that went as planned was Monday, and because my sleep schedule got all out of whack over the weekend, I took a sleeping pill Sunday night. I try not to need them for more than 2 or 3 days in a row, but apparently not using them is not helping so! Tonight, an ambien. Tomorrow, a return to scheduled events that actually happens! And a lesson learned not just about sleep and schedules, but life. You gotta do what you gotta do to do what you wanna do. Wanting isn’t enough!
Also: go here to see penguins fall down a lot. It’s like watching my roller skate only cuter! (And notice, they keep getting back up!)