Playing Pretend

I think right now I can only function as I want to when there are people around to “play pretend” for. (Which means not family, which is weird because they all seem to be coping way better than me and seem to WANT me to play pretend. Well, except my brother, but he’s on the other side of the country.) Today I had to get my check from work and deposit it. Instead I slept all day waiting to hear from Fly By (who is going to care for my kitties while I am at Grandmom’s.) She’s gonna be here in a little while to get the keys to my place so I should shower but instead, here I sit.

I’m spending the next 3-4 days at The Shore, our family place near Grandmom’s (because all the rooms in her house are spoken for right now) sans internet, so this is my last chance to blog for a bit but I can’t concentrate on it. I can’t tell if I’m genuinely grieving or the reason I should be just kicked off a regular depression. I actually want to skate, but I don’t know where I can do that up by grandmom (at least, not for free) an while it almost got me up before I decided to nap, it wasn’t quite enough, knowing that I’d be neglecting other stuff that needed to be done. I feel like I shouldn’t do the stuff I want to do, because there’s stuff I HAVE to do, and if I’m not doing anything, it’s easier to justify not doing things I have to do.

I’ve only eaten chocolate chips today.

I miss my granddad.

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1 Comment

Filed under freaking out, heavy shit, personal shit

One response to “Playing Pretend

  1. Oh, Mels. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I can tell you it’s natural when you’re grieving but I can’t tell you whether it’s kicked off your depression as well. I think you just need this time to ‘be’ – whatever you feel is right for you. Sometimes pretending helps get you through the tough moments, as long as it doesn’t stop you from feeling for too long.

    My thoughts are with you. *hugs*

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