Yesterday, I reminded myself that Granddad would not want me to spend my days in a miserable haze of inconsequence and sadness, so I decided yesterday would be the end of that. Not that you can turn on (or off!) mourning like a switch, but it doesn’t have to run my life any more than I have to let my depression do so. I decided yesterday was the last day I would be lazy and slackery and not doing anything useful. So I’d totally wallow in the laziness and slackeriness and then today I’d get things done and get back to life. I’d get up at 8, do the stuff I need to do, get back on track.
Then I was awake until almost 4 am. Needless to say, today did not start at 8 am.
I could beat myself up about failing to do the simplest thing or whatever, but I don’t feel like it. I also don’t feel like scrambling around and doing the stuff I was gonna do today. That has to get done. like, last week. Instead I’m doing this and futzing around on facebook and watching a movie on netflix and making myself feel better by telling myself I’m *going* to get stuff done today, and what I’m going to get done, as soon as ____________. So I’m sitting on my couch with no pants on not doing anything but thinking about doing things I don’t even want to do just so they’re done, like that will make them be done.
To be fair, this is a really great movie.