Last night my brain was like “sleep? Fuck that shit.” and it was not until sometime after 4:11 am that I slept. oh well. back to the melatonin.
As a result I started my day at 1 pm. But I did a lot yesterday, and am okay with it as long as I keep doing things today. I shredded a big box of Papers To Be Shredded that have been sitting on my living room floor for months (long enough that the bottom layer had been peed in by an orange cat who will not be named even though he is the only orange cat in the apartment so I’m not protecting his privacy at all and really I should be ashamed I let something that smelled like pee be around as long as I did but I’m hand-waving it because I’m not feeling like crap today so there) I did a lot of cleaning of things in the kitchen and picking up of things in the dining room and I vacuumed the intake vents in the kitchen and bathroom (they literally looked like fuzzy grids. I wish I could take the covers off and clean the interior blade thingies that I don’t know what they’re there for anyway, but at some point the complex caulked them in to place.) I made a pot roast in the crock pot, too! (although I burned the potatoes I made on the stove and didn’t plug in the crock pot so I had to wait 8 hours for delicious on-sale beef instead of 4. Totally worth it though.) So even though I didn’t sleep well and I stayed in bed until the mournful mewing of my orange cat who demands that I be nearby and visible but not actually touch him please hit fever pitch, I am not telling myself about my lack of worth. I dreamed I sent an email to Chris Hardwick begging for a job at Nerdist, also.
My parents have insinuated that I will not, in fact, ever be moving back in with them even if it costs them all their money forever and please do not let it do that, which means I can apply for health insurance since I’ll be in MD. This would be better news if my browser issues were not making it impossible to load most pages. (This issue also frustrates my job applicationing* as far as retail establishments go, although I’ve managed to mostly make it work.) While I am still worried that despite applying to a wide variety of jobs (from groundskeeper, wait staff, and customer service rep in both retail and office environs to assistant, temporary office worker, and library technician) and to a LOT of them (a couple a day, on average–some days more, some days fewer) I have not had one interview since July and my parents apparently feel their job is to offer only monetary support (okay I might be having some hurt feelings over the implied “there is no way in hell you can live with us”ness despite the fact that I have literally told people I’d rather live in my car than move home with them. I accept that humanity is complicated and contradictory) and generally be as vague and noncommital as possible regarding everything else, I’m doing pretty okay. Also I am surrounded by cats, one of whom literally starts purring if I talk. Not even to her. Not even touching her. She loves me that much. The other cries if we go 6 hours in the same apartment without me being able to see that he is napping. So: I am obviously not terrible. Right?
*TOTALLY A WORD