I know I haven’t posted in a while

I had a quick sidetrip into depression. boo. but quick, yay! Actually really very short. like, 3-4 daysish. and then my not posting was easier than posting while lots of things were happening. so here’s the nitty gritty that’s been going on.

Two weeks ago:

1. Had stressful strained relations for a bit with my folks. (both of them.) Felt very shitty about it because I’ve always had a pretty good relationship with my dad. (This now seems resolved, or at least done, because we never actually talk about problems because It’s Just Not Done and if I try to initiate conversation about it (I did, of course, to no avail) I get evasion and passive aggression and crappy feelings. So, this situation is magically better, and I don’t know why. But, hey, gift horse, mouth. Who cares if it can chew.)

2. Started attempting to set up a meeting with the dean of my grad school. (this was also super frustrating)

3. Had 3 job interviews with 2 jobs.

Last week:

1. depression due to 1 and 2 and stress about 3. Basically did very little but self care all week.

2. Rode my bike! discovered I am not 12 anymore and biking uses very different muscles than skating and I can’t go up hills anymore yet but I’m gonna!

3. planned to make cookies, didn’t make cookies. did make cookie dough, though.

4. slept a LOT.

5. Brief bunny-sitting

This week:

1. got a job offer! (no details til all the Ts are crossed and Is are dotted)

1a. did all the stuff I needed to do on my end to get the Ts crossed and Is dotted

2. Baked cookies

3. learned a lesson about myself and self control and that I should freeze the cookie dough and only bake one at a time so I can limit my cookie consumption more easily. (seriously, I got below 150 lbs, made cookies thinking I could do one a day. If I have one, I end up having 2-5. I have to go without or devour, no matter how full my belly already is. I also got tootsie midgees and ice cream at the grocery store the previous week for comfort purposes, which was a bad idea and is setting back my nutritional and weight loss goals. but I WILL PERSEVERE.)

4. had a positive interaction via phone with my mom even before telling her about the job offer

4a. had a positive interaction on the phone with dad, who also made sure to tell me he loves me even when I’m not lovable (which is ridiculous, I am ALWAYS lovable, duh)

5. spent a lot of time waiting to shower because I don’t want to get into the shower until I’m contacted by people re #1 (for example, right now, while I wait to get the okay to submit my background check info)

6. longer bunny sitting. they are so cute you guys, I just wish they would snuggle.

7. Fitzy, my snuggle-averse cat, loves getting spanked and the boy and I are slowly training him to associate the joy of spankings with being in/on our laps. The other day he got on my lap of his own volition and lay down and purred for like an hour. SO EXCITING.


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Filed under depression, Job hunting, life in general, mental health, nutrition, parents, unemployment, work

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