I don’t even know, you guys. I don’t even know.

This was not how I was planning on making a return to blogging. Also I was gonna do it like two weeks ago, because I volunteered as an NSO at the DCRG home opener and I figured that’s as good a reason to start back up as any.

Before I get to the main bit, which is full of bad feelings, here’s some good feelings! Return to here when you’re done reading to bulk back up on positivity:

When leaving the MARC station lot, I let some dude out into the road that bisects the lot. He waved and I thought “no big deal, just pay it forward” and as I was thinking that, he was letting out  someone else who in turn let someone else out. So we were a whole road of positivity! Which was needed because my morning at the MARC station was NOT full of positivity.

I have a tendency to both be egotistical and paranoid. Anything anyone does near me is something I think they are doing because of/at me, and specifically to hurt/inconvenience/bother/upset me. Now, I generally know that neither of those are the case, and I do my best to remember that in the heat of the moment or, at the very least, remind myself of it as soon as I can. That being said, I can not imagine any way to spin what happened this morning as anything but someone being a dick to me for no reason. At best, it was a dude thinking it was my place as a woman to move out of his way. At worst, it was a dude wanting to hurt me and being bothered that he hadn’t.

Here’s the lowdown as I experienced it:

I got to the station at the usual time, hung out in my car until it was time to go to the platform. Went to the platform, found a spot to stand, realized I had forgotten my lunch bag in my car. Hurry to go get it. See a crowd of commuters coming in the opposite direction and move all the way over to the side of the platform closest to the rails, as that was where the concentration of people was smallest. There is one guy walking toward me. I am wearing sunglasses but they don’t totally hide my eyes, and I look right at him to see if he’s going to move. I had on sunglasses, but we made eye contact from my perspective, though I don’t know if he actually saw my eyes. He moved to his right a very small amount; though he had a good 7 feet of clear space in front of the rest of the crowd going the same direction he was, he took maybe 3 inches. Whatever, if he twisted his torso he’d have passed me without contact and we’d all be happier.

Instead, right as he passed me he slammed his shoulder into mine, knocking me off balance. Fortunately, I re-stabilized (thank you derby cross training). I turned and called him an asshole, and he was on the ground shooting eye daggers at me.

So, like I said, from my perspective, best case scenario:this guy is is used to getting his own way that when he didn’t it was both befuddling and upsetting to him; worst case scenario: this guy is so used to getting his own way that when he didn’t, even though he didn’t communicate what that was, he wanted to a) physically hurt me and b) make it look like I was the one at fault. My shoulder still hurts though there’s no visible bruising, but what really upset me was that if I hadn’t regained my balance I would have fallen 7-8 feet onto rocks and steel rails. Best case scenario there is a broken bone, worst is hitting my head and passing out a minute or two before the train comes.

After calling him an asshole I went on my way, hoping to get my lunch bag and be back on the platform before the train left, but that didn’t happen. I was left shaken but basically fine, though way more focused on what happened than I wanted to be. Hopefully writing this post exorcises this guy from my brain.

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1 Comment

Filed under -_-, bitching, FROWN, life, mental health, personal shit

One response to “I don’t even know, you guys. I don’t even know.

  1. I’m so glad you’re alright and that you had the positivity of paying it forward – the good kind – to end the day. *HUGS*

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