No one gets to decide for others what they should be

A trans friends of mine shared this link as an example of toxicity in the trans community. The post is a perfect example of self-directed misogyny. I commented politely that I thought this was well meant but bad advice. My comment was deleted. Well that’s fine, I can’t control what they do on their blog, but I get to say what I want on mine. 

Femininity is not makeup. It is not dresses. It is not tearing others down for dressing comfortably. I was born with genitals that correspond to my gender presentation, so I can’t speak to any trans experience, but because transwomen are women, full stop, I know that I have experiences in common with them.

I don’t wear makeup regularly. If I wear a dress it’s because I’m feeling too lazy to pair a top with a bottom, or it’s hot out and I can’t wear shorts. I change my own oil. I taught my boyfriend how to change a tire. I know how to use more power tools than many people can name. And all of that is feminine because I do it and I’m a woman. So if a trans woman wears short shorts and a tank top, that’s feminine. If she wears “too much” eyeshadow, that’s feminine. If she doesn’t wear any makeup, that’s feminine. If she wears ball gown everywhere she goes, that’s feminine. If she wears a hockey jersey and bib overalls, that’s feminine. 

Stop trying to convince people to conform to your vision of femininity. Let them be themselves and do what makes them comfortable in their skin. You do what makes you comfortable in your skin.



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2 responses to “No one gets to decide for others what they should be

  1. That blog post made me fill a bit sick and I’m not a transgender person. That ‘advice’ is not applicable to any woman, transgender or not. Being less aggressive and saying please and thank you is not necessarily bad advice, regardless of gender orientation – it’s more along the lines of common sense – but I think your comment was right on.

  2. That link is fucking terrible, and it worries me that someone wrote in agreeing with it. Good lord.

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