Category Archives: mental health

Learning to Tapdance

I think I’m dancing on the precipice of a depressive episode. It’s always hard to tell because at first it is just hard to get up, or I need more naps. That’s how it always starts. But there are plenty of times when it’s hard to get up for other reasons, or I nap because I stayed up too late and got up to early. So I haven’t said anything. Doing the wait and see.

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Filed under bipolar, depression, mental health, moody, personal shit, Uncategorized

Come on thunder, come on thunder

you ever do that thing where you get in a really shitty mood for no real reason, or no obvious reason, you’re just irritated with everyone and want to hide in a book or a movie or writing, or yard work but you can’t hide so you’re mood keeps getting worse and worse, and then something happens that could help, like a song you love to sing along with comes on the radio or something. And you know you could take that first step toward feeling okay but you don’t want to. It’s not that you don’t want to feel better, and it’s not that you DO want to feel better but you just can’t bring yourself to take that first step. You’ve done it before, you’ve climbed that hill. But all that happens is that you’ll have to go down the other side at some point and you aren’t ready for that. So you just camp out where you are because it’s not getting better but it’s also not getting worse.

what is that thing?

Unrelated to that thing, when your psychiatrist asks about violent thoughts and impulses, what counts as normal and what counts as intrusive thoughts and what counts as something you should report?

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Filed under bipolar, mental health, personal shit

I don’t even know, you guys. I don’t even know.

This was not how I was planning on making a return to blogging. Also I was gonna do it like two weeks ago, because I volunteered as an NSO at the DCRG home opener and I figured that’s as good a reason to start back up as any.

Before I get to the main bit, which is full of bad feelings, here’s some good feelings! Return to here when you’re done reading to bulk back up on positivity:

When leaving the MARC station lot, I let some dude out into the road that bisects the lot. He waved and I thought “no big deal, just pay it forward” and as I was thinking that, he was letting out  someone else who in turn let someone else out. So we were a whole road of positivity! Which was needed because my morning at the MARC station was NOT full of positivity.

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Filed under -_-, bitching, FROWN, life, mental health, personal shit

Yesterday was Thanksgiving

well, American Thanksgiving anyway. The Boy and I celebrated a rare weekday off for both of us by not going hiking after all and by slow cooking pot roast for our celebratory meal. Instead of Ritual Sacrifice with Pie day we did Not-so-Ritual Sacrifice with Cookies day. The cats took up the family-fighting slack in a surprisingly adorable way (Fitz and Zelda were grappling and Pico ran up and batted at them and then they all sat around looking uncomfortable). I finished watching Jessica Jones, The Boy played some Fallout. We got caught up on The Daily Show and I put ornaments on the Christmas tree. It was nice. Continue reading

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Filed under adulting, derbylove, I'm an ADULT, life, mental health, personal shit, relationship, the boy

A Lot Has Happened

so I’m using list format today. Number two has some mild grossness, if you’re sensitive to that feel free to skip to 3 after the first sentence.

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Filed under adulting, AUGH DISEASE, bipolar, depression, derby, health, I'm an ADULT, mental health, personal shit

Hospitalization part 4

Oof, long time between posts. Things have been really busy (lots of medical bills plus slightly less working due to illness and tons of doctor’s appointments and PT means dreaming about bouncing checks at the grocery store and not having time to blog) Recovery proceeds apace.

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Filed under AUGH INJURIES, depression, health, I'm a nutter, kinda heavy shit, mental health, personal shit, physical therapy

Idiosyncrasies (hospitalization part 3)

There are a lot of rules when you’re in a mental hospital. They’re designed to keep everyone safe. Which makes sense because that’s sort of the point of a mental hospital. The hospital I was staying at doesn’t have adults separated out into “acute” and “non-acute,” though, so some of the rules seem extreme and sometimes they don’t seem extreme enough.

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Filed under depression, heavy shit, I'm a nutter, mental health, personal shit, suicide