Let’s get this out of the way: if you are going, I think that’s awesome. I think it’s very important to demonstrate in a multitude of ways what you want from your government, and protests are a completely valid way to do so (not that you needed me to validate you!) However, I’m choosing to sit this one out.
Category Archives: anti-rape culture
There’s a tumblr post I see periodically that says something to the effect of “misogyny kills. misandry hurts feelings.” I posted a screencap of another tumblr post that showed bits of news articles about misogyny and violence/treats of violence and captioned it with corresponding comments I’ve read/heard/been told. (I’ll put it under the cut in a sec with my added commentary) and a friend of mine (who, despite the fact that I was being honest when I told him I felt sick to my stomach and incredibly anxious whenever I post about feminism because of the dread I feel about his* comments, he is someone who I like and enjoy being friends with in general) commented with what could (and I’m sure, is, by him and others) be seen as a totally reasonable response. I’m gonna go into this all behind the cut. Before I do, though, I want to thank said friend for respecting me when I asked him to stop commenting. I very strongly appreciate it.
*he is not the only person who evokes this visceral reaction in me with facebook comments, I should also point out, though this reaction is almost exclusively evoked by male friends commenting on feminism/feminism-adjacent posts.
I’m working on creating a website listing tolerance/civil/human rights resources (currently focused on race but to be expanded to QUILTBAG, feminism, children’s rights, and physical and mental illness support organizations) in multiple levels: local, state/province, national, and international. People want to help, but they don’t know how. People need help, but don’t know where to get it. I want to make a site that will make it easy for them to find what they need. But, particularly for local organizations, I need your help! Comment here, email me, reblog, retweet, share on facebook, email this post to your friends and family. Let me know about organizations I should check out for this project. There’s a list of the ones I’ve already found/been told about here.
My friend shared this video yesterday, and last night I told my boyfriend about it. The Boy is lovely and occasionally not aware of his privilege and said something along the lines of “I think the best defense for that sort of thing is to start laughing hysterically.” I didn’t put on my teacher-voice, but I told him that actually, that’s a bad plan, because it has the potential to incite some serious violence. That nonchalance and a casual shrugging off of this sort of thing may result in “well fuck you, you’re not that attractive anyway” but that’s a way better response than getting attacked.
I stopped by the library to pick up some holds (new Stephen King, and a Sarah Monette book, because I really loved her short stories.) After I dropped off The Ocean at the End of the Lane (new titles get read first because no renewals! also returned first, because no renewals.) I headed to the self-service holds shelf (they used to have them behind the circ desk, but now they’re on a shelf just to the side of the desk, so you can grab them yourself and go to self checkout if you don’t need to pay fines or renew your card or anything). I passed a guy going the opposite direction, doing up his pants. The bathrooms are downstairs, so assuming that’s why his pants were not done, he walked out of the bathroom door, 6 feet or so to the stairs, and up a 2-part flight of steps with his pants unbuttoned, fly down, and belt undone. When I came around the desk and saw this I looked at his face. He was staring me down until I was passed him. I put the hold shelves between us, just in case.
PSA: Being anywhere in public with your pants undone is inappropriate. Staring strangers down while you do them up in public is crossing the line into threatening.
Now, I was in a place I consider safe, and there were a number of other people nearby (mostly men, and a woman behind the circ desk, plus two women at the info desk nearby in the next room). I could have said something to the man who was staring me down, or asked to see whichever manager was on duty and available right then, or simply said in a loud voice “that makes me uncomfortable, please stop.” These are all things that might have made a difference in the man’s future behavior. They may have made a negative difference, though, and I would have to walk from the library doors to my car alone, feeling unsafe even in broad daylight. It’s sad that I have to choose between my personal safety and the potential of someone else’s personal safety. This is something minorities and women of every stripe have to do every day.
palate cleanser: baby penguin giggles at tickles.
The way men and women interact on a daily basis is the way they interact when rape occurs. The social dynamics we see at play between men and women are the same social dynamics that cause men to feel rape is okay, and women to feel they have no right to object. And if you accept those social interactions as normal and appropriate in your day to day life, there is absolutely no reason you should be shocked that rape occurs without screaming, without fighting, without bruising, without provocation, and without prosecution. Behavior exists on a continuum. Rape doesn’t inhabit its own little corner of the world, where everything is suddenly all different now. The behavior you accept today is the behavior that becomes rape tomorrow. And you very well might accept it then, too.
Original content to come later, but I just read this and wanted to share (specifically, the succinct sum-up above, but go, read the whole thing, PLEASE!)
Okay, I’m cheating on the 3 days thing by reblogging someone else, but this is fantastic. THIS IS HOW YOU TEACH CHILDREN NOT TO RAPE.
Yesterday, the news invaded my classroom. I think the kids aren’t paying attention. I think the kids only care about the news as it relates to Justin Bieber. I think they aren’t listening or capable of advanced thought. Every single time I think one of those things, I sell out the ninth-graders that come traipsing through my room every day.
It started when I picked this poem to go over different ways to look at poetry:
If she says something now he’ll say
it’s not true if he says it’s not true
they’ll think it’s not true if they think
it’s not true it will be nothing new
but for her it will be a weightier
thing it will fill up the space where
he isn’t allowed it will open the door
of the room where she’s put him
away he will fill up her mind he…
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