Mango Madness Snapple-induced tears

This morning I started crying in a downtown Walgreens. Because of Mango Madness Snapple.

It’s weird how grief leaves you alone, you start to feel like you’re getting used to that emptiness, then it blindsides you out of nowhere.

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Updates, stream of consciousness style

we close on the house at the beginning of November. we have to be out of our rental at the beginning of December. All weekends of November, minus Thanksgiving and maybe a friend’s birthday, will be painting and moving. and moving and painting. there is an alarmingly large portion of the house that is a terrible orangey apricot color and I need to change that before there is furniture in the house. and also there are a couple rooms I want to change the color just because. but it’s most important to get that terrible apricot out. I was sick for two weeks and got my first colonoscopy because of it and now I’m passing a kidney stone that is worse than the ones of the past decade but not as bad as the first few I passed, in high school and college, but it is making me very slow and deliberate and also craving potatoes all the time but that might not be the kidney stone.


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Depression ProTip #2: If you see something, say something.

Mah girl with some tips on supporting depressed friends

shards of sound

Depression is insanely varied, but it almost always comes with some form of disconnection and alienation. Suddenly you don’t want to bother your best friend; everything you do or say becomes a burden. And it’s hard on the other people, too. I get that. Because “holy shit, they are dealing with some real, deep things, and I have no idea what to say” is something I feel, too, and I *know* how they feel. Empathy can be really difficult sometimes, especially when grappling with life or death matters.
So what do you do when they need to reconnect with you, but you have no idea what to say? You ask them. You say “what do you need?” Chances are they’ll say “I have no idea,” so here are a few communication tips that worked for me that you can suggest. Remember that depression makes most of us process things a bit differently…

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Good news, everyone!

The Boy and I have made an offer on a house, and it was accepted! For those of you who have not bought a house or looked into it, this means we have a month or two before we are actual home owners, and may not be home owners at the end of that time. We need the get the house inspected and the chimney inspected and then bargain for who will cover what repairs. If we don’t agree or the seller doesn’t agree, we don’t end up owning a house. There’s also a sort of built in waiting period. And our rental is month-to-month, but the condition on going month to month was that we’d give 2 months notice (the average time period is 1 month, both for notice and for getting all the inspections and bartering and paperwork and such done)


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house shopping

A lot of my time lately has been focused on house hunting. The Boy and I are looking to purchase a place. We started looking extremely casually earlier this year, but a couple weeks back we got a realtor and last weekend we toured some houses. It is really fun and also scary. Continue reading

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Come on thunder, come on thunder

you ever do that thing where you get in a really shitty mood for no real reason, or no obvious reason, you’re just irritated with everyone and want to hide in a book or a movie or writing, or yard work but you can’t hide so you’re mood keeps getting worse and worse, and then something happens that could help, like a song you love to sing along with comes on the radio or something. And you know you could take that first step toward feeling okay but you don’t want to. It’s not that you don’t want to feel better, and it’s not that you DO want to feel better but you just can’t bring yourself to take that first step. You’ve done it before, you’ve climbed that hill. But all that happens is that you’ll have to go down the other side at some point and you aren’t ready for that. So you just camp out where you are because it’s not getting better but it’s also not getting worse.

what is that thing?

Unrelated to that thing, when your psychiatrist asks about violent thoughts and impulses, what counts as normal and what counts as intrusive thoughts and what counts as something you should report?

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